S4:E1 - This is for the Woman Who Learned to Stay Small (but SOD that!!!!)

OH MY GOOOODDDDNNNNEEESSSSSSSSS!!! Welcome back for season 4 of The Witchy Woo Podcast, I am BEYOND excited to be back in your ears 🫶 

This season is titled: 'The Witch Wound Files: Why am I like this!?'

In the first episode back after over a year away from the podcast, we’re diving into visibility, people pleasing, self-silencing, nervous system protection, witch wounds, and the exhausting pressure so many women feel to stay palatable, agreeable and easy to digest.

This episode is for the women who panic after posting online, overthink everything they say, apologise for taking up space, shape-shift depending on who they’re around, and secretly feel uncomfortable being fully seen.

And I think it’s time we stopped abandoning ourselves into invisibility.

…because sod that 💜

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:01

Hello, hello, hello, my lovelies. And oh my gosh. Welcome back to the Witchy Woo Podcast with me, your host Kylie Anna. And wow, this feels like it has been forever since I have been in your ears, since I have connected with you via this podcast. And I couldn't be more excited to be back. And I actually feel like now is the real time that I'm supposed to be back. As we all know, and as you listening here, I'm sure will have exactly the same belief as me, but everything in divine timing and everything comes at the time that it is supposed to come. But that doesn't mean that I haven't missed you and missed recording these podcasts, and most of all, missed chatting to you about this because I love nothing more than when I get a beautiful listener, you reaching out to me and letting me know, you know, your thoughts about whatever it is that we've spoken about. Because we all learn from one another, and I just adore learning from you guys as well. So please, more of that this season, please. More jumping into my inbox, and yeah, I would absolutely love that. And it's one of those things I kind of don't know where to begin because so much has happened since I last was in your ears, since I last recorded a podcast episode. And I actually feel quite emotional sitting down now to record this podcast after you know having such a long gap, and it it's seeming like such a long time since I last spoke to you. And I knew I'd come back to the podcast, obviously, because I love it, um, and obviously I've missed it, but I think I needed to grow in this space. Um, and I think the things that I want to talk about now are much deeper than they were before as well. So back when I first started the podcast, I feel like I was in quite a different place in my life and in my business, and I was still figuring so much out. I mean, don't get me wrong, I'm still figuring, I'm still trying to figure so much out. But as we do, we grow, we expand, we learn, and it's just different. The things that I'm learning now are different to the things that I was learning back then. And back then, I think I was navigating really how to speak openly about spirituality, about my beliefs, about you know, intuition and the Akashic records and being a witch without feeling the need to water myself down all the time. As all my beautiful OG listeners will know, the Witchy Woo podcast was born out of me wanting to honour my voice and hopefully inspire others to do the same thing along the way because I know that in this lifetime, in many lifetimes that I have already had, my voice has been silenced. And so this was a real symbol of change and transformation. The fact that I was using my voice, I was using my throat chakra to bring this podcast to you. And although that is still beautifully part of my path, I feel like I have moved further along down that now. And over the last year, especially through the magazine, FYI, if you are not subscribed to Witchy Room Magic Zine, I think you should, because you will absolutely love it. And as one of my beautiful podcast listeners, use the code podcast for a cheeky little discount. But throughout bringing the magazine to life and all the client sessions that I've been having, holding different containers through my own healing journey, through you know, motherhood, and there has been terrible grief as well in this year with losing one of the most no, yeah, no, one of the most important ladies in my life, my beautiful nanny, my second mum. And I actually feel like her passing is linked to me wanting to come back to the podcast. As you know, this podcast is bought not only by me, but who I call the star of the show, my beautiful mummy in spirit, Jenny. And now it's also bought by my other beautiful angel, my nanny, Jacqueline. And so not only do I want to bring through my message and my mum's messages, but also I want to be able to connect with my nanny in this way as well and bring her beautiful messages forward and honour her. And because she only passed like three months ago, it's still quite raw, but I'm getting to the place now where actually I feel I feel okay, probably isn't the word. I don't think you probably ever feel okay when you lose someone that you love so dearly, but life feels more manageable now than it did when it very first happened, and it doesn't feel so raw, and I'm able to talk about her with a smile on my face without bursting into tears every single time. So there's been healing there and there has been growth there, and you know, being able to honour both of these gorgeous ladies in this way is a real honour to me as well. So, you know, there's been lots of wounds, there's been lots of highs, there's been lots of lows, as life does, and I'm sure since I was last in your ears, you have had so much happen in your life as well. If you look back over the last year, there's probably, you know, more than you well, more than we could ever possibly remember, but so much goes on in our lives, and what I have been finding more and more recently is that online spirituality is in my mind becoming more and more detached from real life, like everything is high vibration, which is beautiful, you know, and there's absolutely a place for those energetics and manifestation, and I buy into all of it and I love it, but I think that a lot of women are perhaps sitting there still thinking, okay, but why do I still feel unsafe being fully myself? And this is, of course, part of speaking your truth, living within your truth, and using your beautiful throat chakra, allowing it to be aligned so that you can live within that truth, and it's part of why this podcast exists. So, because I feel like I keep getting those messages from my guides, like okay, okay, I'm listening, I'm listening. Now is the time that I'm supposed to come back. And you know, so if you ever find yourself, you know, kind of living within that high vibe and loving all of the spiritual growth that's going on, you know, so many people are awakening, and it is so beautiful to see so many people opening their horizons. Like I'm actually going to shout out to my daddy now as well, because he has very recently retired with my gorgeous stepmum, and both of them are now leaning into what I would consider to be more spiritual things. So that is beautiful, and the fact that that is there, you know, when you see it in your everyday and you see it online, and more and more people are wanting to lean into energetics, you know that the world is awakening. But you may still find yourself thinking, like, why do I still panic when people are watching me? Or why do I still hold myself back? Or why do I still feel like I need permission before I speak? Why do I overexplain absolutely everything? Why do I feel physically uncomfortable taking up space sometimes? And this as well, I've seen it, you know, it's in the real world, it's it's online. Like if you've been in Zoom rooms before, we all become very familiar with Zoom rooms over the pandemic, over COVID. And, you know, if you're in a group setting and it's a gorgeous group, how many times have you had something to say, something to add? Or in real life, you've had something that is valuable, but you've held yourself back because you haven't wanted to take up that space. Because in your mind, perhaps what you have to say isn't as important as what someone else has to say. You don't want to take the limelight away from them. We still naturally have these things coming up, you know. And these are the conversations that I really want us to have this season during Witchy Woo. Because I think there are so many women walking around believing that they're, you know, bad at confidence, for instance, when actually their nervous system has just become incredibly good with protecting them. You know, like protecting you from judgment, rejection, criticism, being misunderstood, you know, from visibility. And I think for spiritually sensitive women, for empaths especially, this can run really, really deep. Because, yep, some of this comes from this lifetime, you know, different childhood experiences, different playground and school experiences, different relationships and family dynamics. I mean, how many times have you been told that you're too emotional or too sensitive? You know, you may have been told too dramatic, too loud, too much, too little, too weird, too intense, all of the twos. And I think most women can probably trace at least some of their self-protection back to moments where they learned that it wasn't entirely safe to be fully themselves. But I do also think that there are deeper layers for the majority of us as well, and this is where I want to talk about the witch wound in a way that is relatable to us here and now, it's grounded in the real world because I think that again, sometimes, as much as the internet helps us to connect with the people that we are like-minded with, I wouldn't have met hardly any of the gorgeous spiritual folk that I have if it wasn't for the internet, but it does sometimes make it sound like a bit theatrical spirituality, and I don't think that's really how many of us actually experience it. So, like to me, the witch wound isn't dressing up, you know, persecution as some kind of aesthetic, it's you know that lingering survival response of women who learned that visibility came with consequences, and it's the woman who keeps herself small because somewhere inside her body she associates being seen with being in danger. You know, it's that woman who second guesses herself constantly, even though she knows she can feel that she's deeply intuitive, and it's the woman who feels physically uncomfortable charging properly for her gifts in a spiritual business. How many times does that come up? You know, the woman who can hold everyone else through their healing, but struggles to let herself be held. You know, that woman who shape shifts herself depending on who she's around, because she learned that being accepted was safer than being authentic. So she adapted the way that she speaks, the way that she acts to suit who she's with. And it isn't her being fake at all, it's it was survival for her. And I think so many women are just exhausted because they're trying to build a bigger life while still operating from old survival patterns, you know, like their soul wants to expand, but their nervous system still wants protection, and I think that's where the bridge isn't quite there in terms of the online world, and that's what I want for this podcast. You know, you it's wonderful to have these practices and manifesting and the different rituals that we can do to call it in and the different ways of being, the different affirmations that we can use. But if we're not grounded within ourselves and telling ourselves that we are safe to receive more and showing ourselves that it's okay, we've grown, we've expanded, and we are now safe for more, then it's never gonna stick. It's almost like you're pouring water into a cup with a hole in the bottom, because the hole in the bottom is like representative of the holes in ourselves, the gaps in ourselves where we perhaps are holding ourselves back. So if we allow our nervous system to run more efficiently, if we remind ourselves that we are safe in our human so that our soul can carry on expanding, so we can plug those holes and keep all that water in and keep all that spiritual goodness in and keep growing and growing and growing. And I see this as well all the time in the Akashic Records that so many people are carrying vows of you know silence, of persecution, lifetimes where they were punished for speaking, punished for being visible, punished for being powerful, for being different. And whether people believe in past lives or not, I think most of us can agree that women have historically been conditioned to stay agreeable, stay quiet, you know, digestible, easy to control. And you don't have to believe you were literally burnt at the stake to recognise that generations of women learn to survive through self-silencing. And obviously, I do have these beliefs. I do, in my mind, I know, but I understand that from the outside perspective, it's the belief that we do have these past lives and we have had these past experiences, and actually, even if we haven't been persecuted as a witch in a past life, we do still carry that collective energy. So every time that an imprint is made into the Akashic Records, every time an action is taken, every time an emotion is felt, every time a belief is formed, it's added not only to your own records but to the collective. And if there's lots of different people that are adding in the same sort of beliefs and feelings, this karmic energy grows and grows and grows, and naturally it becomes bigger and bigger and bigger for not just that generation, but for the generations that follow. If you're not someone who believes in reincarnation or believes in past lives, I'm sure that you believe in nurture and how nurture and our environment can affect us. So not only is all of this information, all of these karmic imprints passed down through us energetically and stored within you know our causal body, within our soul, but it's also passed down generation to generation. And if you were persecuted, let's say for being a witch, or you were witnessing people in your village or people around being persecuted, you would teach your daughters to be safe, be quiet, don't stand out, don't say too much, because just in case this happens. And that teaching, as we know, gets carried down, carried down, carried down throughout the generations until someone steps in and says, Right, this is enough. This is where it ends. It's not like this anymore. Thank you for you know keeping me safe, keeping me protective, but now is where it ends. So either way that you look at it, this witch wound energy gets passed down to us. And there have been so many moments over the last couple of years where, if I'm honest, I felt like I want to disappear a little bit. You know, moments where visibility has felt really heavy, and moments where I questioned whether I kept wanting to show up online, you know, moments where criticisms or projections or just feeling pressure of being, you know, of how I was being perceived made me want to retreat back into myself. And I'm sure that a lot of you can relate as well. And I have learned that I do most definitely work in cycles. If anyone follows me on social media, you will probably notice that I definitely go through patterns where you know I'll be posting loads and then it'll stop. And usually the moments that it stops are because I need all of my energy for myself. So I have learned that in those moments I don't want to be giving out too much of my energy. I need to go inwards, but it does also make it a kind of safe hiding place for me, you know, not showing up when I am feeling vulnerable. So it's kind of one of those double-edged swords where it's a good thing because keeping hold of your energy, making sure that you are protected, but not using it as an excuse. And I know that I can sometimes be guilty of doing that myself. And I do believe that there are so many beautiful and deeply gifted women who are perhaps sat there hiding in plain sight right now. Maybe you listening to this podcast right now. You know, women with beautiful hearts and these powerful gifts and important voices who are constantly minimizing themselves because some part of them still believes that it's safer that way. And some of those beliefs, as we said, have been formed in this lifetime, but others probably stem from past lifetimes as well. And I don't think that healing this is about suddenly becoming the loudest person in the room or forcing yourself into visibility before your body feels safe. I actually think that that's part of the problem sometimes. We live in a world that tells people to just be confident, you know, or fake it till you make it. But confidence without that safety underneath often just is a performance. And especially if we are talking in terms of business owners showing up online, if you are doing it from a performative standpoint, which in a way we have to because you do have to show up for your business, even on the days that that you don't feel that you want to. Um, but if we're doing it from a place of, oh, I don't, I really don't know what to say, I don't really want to show up, I'm not feeling it, the audience will feel it as well. It will come through within your energy, which is actually where I learned that I am much better off disappearing for a little while. Because I used to push through that and I used to think to myself, oh, I just put it out because I've got to put up, you know, so many posts a day, blah, blah, blah. But they never actually led to anything, it was just, you know, nonsense into the void because it didn't land properly, because it wasn't authentic and it wasn't really, I wasn't really putting my energy into it, you know. So it is that fine balance as well. But that real healing, at least from my experience, is much slower than just instantly, you know. Oh, let's let's pretend to be confident and then we will be. You know, it's about noticing where you abandon yourself or shrink yourself. yourself or make yourself easier to digest for other people. Where one that one thing that I was really, really guilty of, and I probably still am, but apologising for like everything. I learned somewhere along the way. I know it, you know, it's happened during this lifetime, but I have no doubt that there are past lifetime times where I learned this as well, where, you know, I would apologize for everything because I learned that that would protect me in case you know someone acted out against me. I I knew that it would soften it a little bit if I would automatically apologize. And I felt like I needed to say sorry for speaking up at all. Sorry for saying anything. You know, if I had a question that I wanted to ask for instance in a room be oh I'm really sorry to ask but you know and working on on that kind of thing. And and it really made me disconnect from my own truth because I wanted to make other people comfortable and I'm sure so many of you can relate in some way shape or form to that. But we can find that you know layer by layer you can teach yourself that it's safe to come back and be seen and be heard and be imperfect and take up space and to disappoint people sometimes and know that that's okay and knowing that it's safe to not be everyone's cup of tea because we're never going to be and why would we want to be you know and constantly trying to be palatable is exhausting. And I think this season of the podcast is going to hold a lot of these conversations you know the real conversations about spirituality about healing womanhood nervous system healing visibility past lives grief I could go on all of those things that are so real for all of us that I feel people perhaps don't talk about quite enough. And it won't be from a place of pretending obviously and not because you know I'm not gonna pretend that I have absolutely everything figured out because I absolutely do not and we are all a work in progress and I do strongly believe that if anyone tells you that you know they're fully healed that could be a major red flag. So we are all a work in progress I believe at least but I think it's important that we sit together and that we unpack it as honestly as we possibly can and this is my promise my commitment to you to be as open as I can and I would love in return if you would do the same when you reach out to me or if you comment on a podcast or you know however we we interact if you feel comfortable doing so to share your truth and your honesty as well. So if you're listening to this whilst you know walking the dog or cleaning the kitchen or driving somewhere or you know hiding from your responsibilities for five minutes whatever it is that you're doing I am so glad that you're here listening to this with me. And I really think that this season is going to be a really important one. So until the next time I will speak to you very soon. Later love